Head-dibs

Faultfinding has got to be the easiest job in the world. It requires no talent, no character, and no brains.

A farmer asked his neighbor if he might borrow a rope. "Sorry," said the neighbor, "I'm using my rope to tie up my milk." "Rope can't tie up milk!" replied the surprised farmer. "I know," said the neighbor, "but when a man doesn't want to do something, one reason is as good as another."