My Happy Place

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  “The floor was carpetless. The whitewashed walls were in parts scrawled over with strange diagrams, and in others covered with shelves crowded with philosophical instruments, the uses of many of which were unknown to me. On one side of the fireplace, stood a bookcase filled with dingy folios; on the other, a small organ, fantastically decorated with painted carvings of medieval saints and devils. Through the half-opened door of a cupboard at the further end of the room, I saw a long array of geological specimens, surgical preparations, crucibles, retorts, and jars of chemicals; while on the mantelshelf beside me, amid a number of small objects, stood a model of the solar system, a small galvanic battery, and a microscope. Every chair had its burden. Every corner was heaped high with books. The very floor was littered over with maps, casts, papers, tracings, and learned lumber of all conceivable kinds.” “The Phantom Coach” By Amelia Edwards (1831–1892)

Lighten The Load

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Seneca asked, “How does it help to make misfortune heavier by complaining about it?” Another way to ask this would be, “Did complaining help? Then stop. If not, then stop.” I manage a staff of mostly young adults who are like sponges as they listen to elder employees complain and complain and complain. I confess, there are times when I complain as well, but then I am aware of who is listening. One older fellow always has something to say, dropping his comments like little bombs then walks away thinking all his words are going to change anything. But then he only walks away because I’ve asked him, “did all that help? No? Then you can stop now.”

Complaining does nothing but reveal who a person really is, and for the most part, complaints merely mean there has been a disruption to one’s comfort zone, that something is beyond their control or that the person feels entitled and is not getting their way. Ever notice how most complaining at a restaurant is committed before eating? People are just hungry and want their food, for the most part. I experience complainers who are really not excited about the job they have to start or have already spent hours on a job and just want to get out of the heat and have a beer. Very rarely is it appropriate to ask if complaining helped so I mostly wish them good fortune on their task. Then there are those who complain for the sole purpose of manipulation and I have to be careful to test their so-called concerns. Of course, the person gets angry when I feel compelled to try their claims and few will back off, yet others persist because, sadly, temper tantrums are how one gets their own way.

When you are tempted to complain, put yourself to the test and ask, “is it going to change anything?” If complaining actually works, then you can stop. If not, you can stop. Make the burden lighter by actually doing something about the problem, or ask for help. The people who stand out as being “great” are those who stare down their problem and do something about it. If the situation is out of your control, the only thing you can control is your response to it. Most often, the problem doesn't even know you exist.

So be kind to yourself, make your burden lighter.

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