Grief

-
Sometimes the news comes quick. Sometimes the news comes slow. No matter how or when it comes, grief travels in the wake of the news. Grief is heavy, weighty, a burden, especially when it involves someone deeply loved. Grief is not meant to be carried alone. It’s too heavy and may last a while—and that’s ok. That’s what family and friends are for, to share the load. Jesus stood outside the tomb of his friend and wept but He did not weep alone. It was a deep, human moment. “ Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted ” (Matt 5:4). If anyone knows how we feel in grief, it’s Him. But His grief did not linger long, as at the mention of his name, Lazarus came forth. We are not meant to dwell in grief, but should leave room enough for it. Let it run its course. Like the song says, “ Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain .” Another song says, “ The storm We will dance as it breaks The storm It will give as it takes And all of our pain is washed away Don't cry or be afraid Some things...

Lighten The Load

-
Seneca asked, “How does it help to make misfortune heavier by complaining about it?” Another way to ask this would be, “Did complaining help? Then stop. If not, then stop.” I manage a staff of mostly young adults who are like sponges as they listen to elder employees complain and complain and complain. I confess, there are times when I complain as well, but then I am aware of who is listening. One older fellow always has something to say, dropping his comments like little bombs then walks away thinking all his words are going to change anything. But then he only walks away because I’ve asked him, “did all that help? No? Then you can stop now.”

Complaining does nothing but reveal who a person really is, and for the most part, complaints merely mean there has been a disruption to one’s comfort zone, that something is beyond their control or that the person feels entitled and is not getting their way. Ever notice how most complaining at a restaurant is committed before eating? People are just hungry and want their food, for the most part. I experience complainers who are really not excited about the job they have to start or have already spent hours on a job and just want to get out of the heat and have a beer. Very rarely is it appropriate to ask if complaining helped so I mostly wish them good fortune on their task. Then there are those who complain for the sole purpose of manipulation and I have to be careful to test their so-called concerns. Of course, the person gets angry when I feel compelled to try their claims and few will back off, yet others persist because, sadly, temper tantrums are how one gets their own way.

When you are tempted to complain, put yourself to the test and ask, “is it going to change anything?” If complaining actually works, then you can stop. If not, you can stop. Make the burden lighter by actually doing something about the problem, or ask for help. The people who stand out as being “great” are those who stare down their problem and do something about it. If the situation is out of your control, the only thing you can control is your response to it. Most often, the problem doesn't even know you exist.

So be kind to yourself, make your burden lighter.

Popular posts from this blog

Rock Me, Epictetus!

-
Image
“Keep constant guard over your perceptions, for it is no small thing you are protecting, but your respect, trustworthiness and steadiness, peace of mind, freedom from pain and fear, in a word your freedom. For what would you sell these things?” EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 4.3.6 b –8 
Read more

The Smooth-flowing Life

-
Image
Legend has it that the astronomer Ptolemy (1st century A.D.) suggested that falling stars were caused by the gods moving in the heavens, thus knocking stars out of their places. Somehow people reasoned that that if the gods were moving, they must be getting close to earth so they would lift their "prayers" or "wishes" (literally, "desires") whenever they saw the stars falling in hopes the gods would notice and grant a favorable answer. But how does one wish on falling star? Once you see it, it's gone before the wish or prayer can be made! The answer is simple: meteor shower. That's how to get your wish. Mrs. Ann Hodges had a wish fall right into her lap. Sort of. In 1954 Mrs. Hodges was sleeping on the couch when a 8 1/2 pound meteorite fell through her house and into her living room where it bounced off the radio and struck her left hip leaving her with a bruise. Not sure what she was wishing, but that's not how to do it. Epictetus hel...
Read more