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Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Attack of the Wingdings

(WARNING: The following Blog is rated "L" for "Language")

You know what Wingdings are--these are the font you may select in your word processor that replaces letters with symbols.

You know what it means when you are reading, say, a comic strip and you see a string of symbols when the character is talking? It means one is using bad language, cussing up a storm.

As this program I am currently using does not support wingdings, I cannot type them here--perhaps that is best. Here is why: I am so hopping angry and there are not enough wingdings in the world to express what I would like to say right now.

I just heard on the news that a bill is being passed for mothers who are aborting their children to have administered to the soon-to-be destroyed child PAIN KILLERS!

Yes! It is true! SRN News just reported it! Then they played a sound byte of some (insert wingdings here) liberal stating that science confirms that an unborn child has a higher level of sensitivity than that of a newborn (albeit, "live") child; hence the pain killers.

Why? Because its the humane thing to do.

Insert Wingdings here.
My Nouthetic brethren, I stand admonished.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Reflections on the cherry tree

It's been a busy month with Intensives going on. In my "downtime" last night, I read George Washington's Farewell Address. Remember him?

The first President of the United States wrote this (bold characters are my emphasis):

"Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man claim the tribute of patriotism who should labor to subvert these great pillars of human happiness—these firmest props of the duties of men and citizens. The mere politician, equally with the pious man, ought to respect and to cherish them. A volume could not trace all their connections with private and public felicity. Let it simply be asked, "where is the security for property, for reputation, for life, if the sense of religious obligation desert the oaths which are the instruments of investigation in courts of justice?" And let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure, reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.

It is substantially true that virtue or morality is a necessary spring of popular government. The rule indeed extends with more or less force to every species of free government. Who that is a sincere friend to it can look with indifference upon attempts to shake the foundation of the fabric?"

My, how far we've come.

Immediate thoughts:
1) Washington admits that morality and religion are inseperable.
2) The true patriot cannot subvert the inseperable two.
3) The politian and the pious man are on level ground--they must both respect and cherish the inseperable two.
4) There is no security, reputation, or life if religion is abandoned and morality is apart.
5) If there is a separation between the two, the court has no standard by which to investigate and protect.

And we wonder how we got here . . .
Did George lie?

Friday, June 04, 2004

Celebs Beg to Be Voted Off Reality Show

Jun 2, 10:18 AM EST the The Associated Press released an "article" I found strangely humorous. Below is a sampling of the publication:

"The bugs — both the ones that bite and those that must be eaten to stave off hunger — the heat and other discomforts are claiming their toll as celebrity contestants on a Colombian "Survivor"-style reality show drop like flies. Instead of trying to endure to the very end on a verdant tropical peninsula in order to collect the cash prize, several are pleading with their tribes to vote them off the show.

"Isla de los Famosos" — Spanish for "Island of the Celebrities" — has captured a broad audience, partly because viewers in a country where most people live in poverty are getting a kick out of watching models, singers and actors deal with the gritty business of day-to-day survival. The other day, two of the contestants had to slaughter and butcher a hog for their teammates. They have also been given live chickens for food, and have had to build their own huts. Those used to a more pampered lifestyle were shocked by the primeval setting."

I post this because of the weight of the quote I have posted from John Steinbeck on the side-bar. Folks, stop and think about this for a minute. The people who warm the pews with us would'nt know how to survive if it came down to it.

Remember Snake Plisskin? Few would. If you saw the movie (and I don't recommend it) "Escape from New York", there was a sequel, "Escape from Los Angeles" or something like that. The last scene of the movie is a hoot. Snake has just done his heroic mercenary stuff to save the world from a bomb that would kill all the technology of earth and would throw the world back into the stone age. In the last scene, he pressed the button and everything goes black. Then you see him strike a match to light a cigar in victory.

When I go to the pump to pay up to $2.00 a gallon for gas, or go to the store to pay $4.00 per gallon for milk, I keep hearing Larry Norman singing the words of Revelation in the elevator music of my head, "a piece of bread would buy a bag of gold. I wish we'd all been ready."

We've not yet seen the worst of times. When they come, people will not know where to turn . . .

The early church was ready because they knew that if they supported each other, they survived. Why do you think they fellowshipped by going house to house sharing everything in common? Because God provided for the fellowship of believers out of their own poverty. And they grew and flourished.

And people will be crawling under mountains begging to be voted off . . .

Thursday, June 03, 2004

1. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

3. How many Armenians does it take to change a light bulb?

All. They need everyone to make sure it stays on. One can never really be sure.

4. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

Change???

5. How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb?

No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and dark.

6. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

7. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

8. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

9. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They use candles.

10. How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a light bulb?

One. And soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

11. How many members of an established fundamental Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?

One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

12. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted-all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. "

13. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

"What's a light bulb?"

14. How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?

Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

15. How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Subcommittee, who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Committee Executive of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 member church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7 member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which Hardware Store has the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who, then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

-Author unknown

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