Levi's lament (Matt 9:9-10)

There are times when amid all the stresses and tensions of life, when I find I am under intense pressure from all the demands placed on me. I am stressed physically, emotionally, spiritually, even financially. And I feel small. Squashed.

inadequate.

I am drained.
Absolutely drained.

I work, bills must be paid, church demands my attention, family needs a husband and father--and I am drained.
Empty.

I have nothing left to give.
I am stripped of everything I can possibly have and all around me there is the incessant clamoring for more.
It is during these times I stand and and scream inside: “WHAT IS LEFT TO GIVE?”

Each time I meet the great needs in my life and realize I cannot fulfill, I remain to hear these words echoing chasmically all around me, “I need from you.”
And all I have to say is “nothing remains.”
I have nothing left to give.

I’ve begun to realize that when all is gone, two things remain: myself (naked, bare) and God. This is a rather odd circumstance. I trust Him to provide for my people, my religion, my very being--and while the world spins, society and politics grind on and on, demanding more and more of me. And I have nothing left to give.

Then Jesus comes along and breaks me apart religiosity, asking for a relationship. Asking for what IS left--me.

Between home, church and work, my calendar is full. I have obligations placed on me that I must fulfill just to live in this culture, thus my work is necessary to meet those obligations.

Similarly, I have answered God’s call in my life, which also incurs other obligations for which I am not financially reimbursed for the utilization of my own talents and abilities.

All around me people recognize their obligations as I do, and though many do not darken the church’s door, they work long and hard and seem to be well off, having little or no need. Socially, this is a point of tension. But I am a reject anyway. A tax collector. Somewhere between slime and women.

People hate me.

But I have one sure thing they havn't got--a relationship with God in Christ Jesus. While they are out finding themselves and making a place in life, they are losing it. So, am I really "losing it"?

Why do I get upset at my social failures when it is my discipleship that really counts?

On one hand, God strips, reduces to nothing; on the other hand, He provides. To follow Him is to lose everything. To follow Him is to gain my soul and lose the world.

He shows me during these hard times something else I must let go of. See, God wants our complete and undivided attention. There is no half-way. Anything that is in the way of our relationship, in the way of my discipleship must be removed. He wants my complete and total trust in Him.

When has God never provided?
Sure, there are times of want and need, but when has He not shown Himself in those times?
Has He provided materially in every circumstance? Yes and no. Sometimes a lack of physical, material provision is a provision in itself. But in some way He comes through last minute. This is how I know it is Him. But like Israel, in times of gain, I take my eyes off Him and He starts the process all over again.

I have not grown to fully understand; rather, I believe I am now growing as I gain understanding.

Salvation is not rescue from danger, like when a person is saved from disaster, because eventually both rescuer and victim part ways. Salvation is deep, a transformation. Not conforming to a way of life alone, but transformation into being a new creation.

I wonder what I look like to Him, a new creation. I wonder what I must look like when I stand before Him saying, “what’s left?” I don’t know, but the answer is always the same--” follow Me”.

He is coming over to eat dinner with us . . . and He is bringing folks with him. I think I'll have some friends over, too.