Welcome, May!

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The past few weeks have been stressful. Training new employees, dealing with difficult customers, not sleeping well, not exercising (I’ve gained 20 pounds in the last two years), getting through family drama (two life-threatening events in the same day, 2000 miles apart: my dad’s heart attack in NM and a 9 year grandchild starting the rest of his life with Type 1 Diabetes) . . .  My CrossFit lifestyle withered into oblivion when I lost my job at the University in 2020, as Covid got going. Deep depression brought me to a standstill as I took a few months to try to reset. Since then, my physical status has been on steady decline. Now my daily schedule looks something like this: Work 3-11 pm (on a good day), Go to bed at 4 am, get up between 10:30 am and noon, get booted up and go back to work. If I get one day off a week I’m fortunate. At least I don’t have to work all night for now. That was the worst.  So I haven’t had time or energy to do much, even read, much less write. And since my

from the shelf

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A great weight has been placed on me lately, one not asked or sought for, but one designed for God's glory and my growth.

For the past month or so a good friend and I have not been seeing eye-to-eye. As we talk, our conversations lately have reached points of misunderstanding and this has been getting frustrating. Comments lately make me feel as if I were a personal project that he now cannot control or fix, so he will "steward his time" somewhere else. I want resolution and peace because I feel used and betrayed.

I've been dealing with a onslaught of thoughts and temptations concerning this and I've come to these few conclusions so far:

1) I've done nothing wrong and neither has he--there is deception in the way;

2) I am not wrong to have an opinion and neither is he--there is the issue of personal conviction on how one acts and reacts based on what is known, not assumed;

3) "Love covers a multitude of sins and overlooks many offenses." (Prov. 10:12, 16; 17:9; 19:11; 1 Pe 4:8)

4) "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor. 13:4-7)

5) Bitterness is to be put away (Eph. 4:31) and biting must end (Gal. 5:15). Bitterness belongs to the sinful nature (Gal. 5:19) and the bitter root must not grow (Heb. 12:15.)

It is to my shame and God's glory I am what I am; for I would not realize the ongoing depravity of my own heart should I not look at Him. As I sit in selfish self-pity I realize then that my eyes are not on Him who is Faithful and True.

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