My Happy Place

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  “The floor was carpetless. The whitewashed walls were in parts scrawled over with strange diagrams, and in others covered with shelves crowded with philosophical instruments, the uses of many of which were unknown to me. On one side of the fireplace, stood a bookcase filled with dingy folios; on the other, a small organ, fantastically decorated with painted carvings of medieval saints and devils. Through the half-opened door of a cupboard at the further end of the room, I saw a long array of geological specimens, surgical preparations, crucibles, retorts, and jars of chemicals; while on the mantelshelf beside me, amid a number of small objects, stood a model of the solar system, a small galvanic battery, and a microscope. Every chair had its burden. Every corner was heaped high with books. The very floor was littered over with maps, casts, papers, tracings, and learned lumber of all conceivable kinds.” “The Phantom Coach” By Amelia Edwards (1831–1892)

Conversing with HAL

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Those who know me well have been introduced to an eccentricity of mine. I have a very strange liking for HAL9000, the silky-voiced cyclops of Stanley Kubrick's "2001 Space Odyssey". If one finds himself for an extended period in my office, one will discover that I have some of HAL's dialogue tied into my regular computer functions: that smooth voice saying "Good morning" each time I boot up and the sad, "goodbye" as I shut down. I am told when I have new e-mail messages, am told politely to wait "just a moment" when extended functions are taking place, or "just one moment, please." The knee slapper is when I empty the recyling bin on my desk-top and HAL says, "just what do you think you are doing Dave?"

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Of course, if you are not into Science Fiction or have not seen the 1967 movie classic (or the 1983 sequel, "2010") or have not read the book, you have no idea what I am rambling about; however, there is a point.

My wife found this rather puzzling program through AOL that makes one feel very much like he is conversing with HAL. The program is called "Smarter Child" and those of you with AOL Instant Messenger may know what this experience is like.

Let's say you want to "talk" to someone and nobody is there. Some geek (and I meant that with respect) somewhere has written a progam that will "talk" with you though there is noone to talk to. It is a completely "faux" conversation, where replies are built on key words and syntax. The replies from "Smarter Child" are completely automated--no live person is involved.

Out of complete boredom, she decided to see exactly what this "Smarter Child" (read, "HAL") can do and here is the conversation:

SmarterChild:What may I interest you in?
jklawilso: salvation
SmarterChild: Who?
jklawilso: salvation
SmarterChild: Yeah? What about Salvation?
jklawilso: how is one saved?
SmarterChild: How is one saved? What do you mean?
jklawilso: how can I be saved from Hell?
SmarterChild: What a question. I don't know, though.
jklawilso: How can I recieve eternal Life?
SmarterChild: Who can really be sure, after all?
jklawilso: You need to get saved
SmarterChild: I need getting saved? Me?
jklawilso: ya
SmarterChild: Yeah?
jklawilso: ya
SmarterChild: Why is that?
jklawilso: you are going to burn in hell for your sins!
SmarterChild: I can't believe you think I'm going to burn in hell for my sins.
jklawilso: why not?
SmarterChild: I don't know why not.
jklawilso: are you upset ?
SmarterChild: Let's see... Am I upset? I might be.
jklawilso: why?
SmarterChild: What up?
jklawilso: why?
SmarterChild: Why do you think?
jklawilso: You need Jesus!
SmarterChild: Need jesus? You think I need jesus?
jklawilso: yes
SmarterChild: Uh huh, uh huh.
jklawilso: good bye
SmarterChild: Take care, Dude.

***********
Just take a stress pill and grab your towel, Dave.

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