Head-dibs

The struggle you face might not be as bad as you think!

“You shouldn’t give circumstances the power to rouse anger, for they don’t care at all.” —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.38 Ryan Holiday writes in "The Daily Stoic":  "Why bother getting mad at causes and forces far bigger than us? Why do we take these things personally? After all, external events are not sentient beings--they cannot respond to our shouts and cries . . . . . . circumstances are incapable of considering or caring for your feelings, your anxiety or your excitement. They don't care about your reaction. They are not people. So stop acting like getting worked up is having an impact on a given situation. Situations don't care at all." (p. 63) Meditating on this truth and on these questions, one remembers a song that came out a few years ago that contains this principle at it's very core. We need to be mindful of both circumstances and our reaction to them for (as the song expresses) a simple distraction might lead to a certai...

"For, as a student of philosophy he will certainly be most eager to treat his father with the greatest possible consideration and will be most well-behaved and gentle; in his relations with his father he will never be contentious or self-willed, nor hasty or prone to anger; furthermore he will control his tongue and his appetite whether for food or for sexual temptations, and he will stand fast in the face of danger and hardships; and finally with competence in recognizing the true good, he will not let the apparent good pass without examination. As a result he will willingly give up all pleasures for his father's sake, and for him he will accept all manner of hardships willingly."   Musonius Rufus, Lectures 16.8 The one who sits at the feet of instruction as a lover of Wisdom is known by the fruit of his learning.  1) The student, as a lover of wisdom, honors his father as a son--with consideration towards him. The son is obedient and gentle, doing what he is to...

Daffodils are making quite a show. Tulips are on the way!

I know a guy who has bad dreams. Nearly every day. Well not really, but the way he carries on it sure does sound like it. One frequently hears his lamentations drift down the hallway as he argues with is computer, complains in loud frustration, begging his computer to cease it's vendetta against him as it never does anything right (yes, there are people in this day and age who still use things called "legal pads" to do their work and he's one of them). The way he carries on is not unlike one living a nightmare as he vocalizes his displeasure with technology in general. I'll spare you what happens when he gets automated menus while on the phone. One lesson I learn from this is that complaining, getting upset is like living a bad dream. Dreams seem real but they are not--especially bad dreams. Think about things that upset us. Those things do not upset us--WE upset us. We go along with our emotions, failing to check ourselves, "hey, that's not right...

"Keep a constant guard over your perceptions, for it is no small thing you are protecting, but your respect, trustworthiness and steadiness, peace of mind, freedom from pain and fear, in a word your freedom. For what would you sell these things??" (Epictetus, Discourses 4.3) We exist for a purpose much greater than to live in a constant state of annoyance. While some feel their calling in life is to be the burr-under-the-saddle, they have not thought that the burr can be removed. There is no reason to remain annoyed, anxious, or angry. A choice exists on how one will spend his or her emotional, physical, even spiritual energy. Why waste any of these on the whims of someone who cannot abide in peace? Control what you are able, starting by removing yourself from their influence. There are times when anger or annoyance may be appropriate, but one need not dwell there.  Epictetus instructs to guard perception on the grounds that (at your core) peace of mind is at stak...

What do you do when nothing goes as planned? The overly simplest answer is: "be ready for anything." The best way to do this is to tell yourself this, first thing in the morning: "be ready for anything." The practice sounds trite but once you make a habit of it, one finds one is ready for whatever comes your way. It's a simple reminder that anything can happen, and it usually does. My plan for Monday was to get up and go about the day, as usual. Instead, first thing Monday morning I got my coffee and began to prepare myself for the day, including getting my thoughts aligned, per above. Then came the news: something is wrong with the downstairs toilet. Boy was there ever something wrong. Now, I had every opportunity to blow my stack through the day but I kept returning to "be ready for anything." Just the day before, on Sunday, I had just taught a lesson in from the Old Testament book of Job--you remember the guy--he lost everything then broke out ...

Ever chase a rabbit? What I mean is, have you made a startling discovery as the result of a mere distraction?  While following two of my favorite magicians online, I stumbled onto a documentary directed by Teller (of Penn & Teller). Being a lover of good magic and classical "anything" (art, music, literature, philosophy, etc) I was intrigued as to why a team of magicians would make a documentary about Johannes Vermeer, a Dutch painter who lived in the 1600's. You might know his work:  "Girl With A Pearl Earring" (1665) Source: Wikipedia This compelling documentary reminds one to slow down and take another, perhaps an even deeper look at art because what Vermeer left are more than paintings. The man was more than an artist. He mastered time with a paintbrush. The film is available on YouTube for $2.99 or on DVD from Netflix. 

On two separate occasions, Seneca penned two thoughts that compliment each other. The first is this: “I don’t agree with those who plunge headlong into the middle of the flood and who, accepting a turbulent life, struggle daily in great spirit with difficult circumstances. The wise person will endure that, but won’t choose it—choosing to be at peace, rather than at war.” (MORAL LETTERS, 28.7) And the second:  “Many are harmed by fear itself, and many may have come to their fate while dreading fate.” (Oedipus, 992) One wonders if some people plunge headlong into foolishness because they are driven by fear. Herds of animals have been known to stampede to their own harm to escape bugs. What a small thing a bug is that a beast will risk drowning or plunging over a precipice out of fear. Not too long ago I encountered a person who, for reasons unknown to me, simply cannot abide in peace. There must be strife. To be fair, this person has endured trauma and abuse so happine...

“We have the power to hold no opinion about a thing and to not let it upset our state of mind – for things have no natural power to shape our judgments.” (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.52) Think for a moment about everything you don't know.  Go ahead. I'll wait.  What is your opinion about those things you don't know? How do you feel?  You don't have an opinion because you don't know what you don't know--right?  Ok, think for a moment about something that might upset you. Can you name it? Say what it is?  Did someone say something behind your back?  What did they say?  Did you hear it?  Do you even know for a fact that anyone said anything about you at all?  Was it derogatory or nice?  Still don't know? Then why upset?  So why get upset about something we know nothing about?  That guy that cut you off on the way to work this morning--why did he do it?  To be rude because he saw YOU...

“You cry, 'I’m suffering severe pain!' Are you then relieved from feeling it, if you bear it in an unmanly way?” —Seneca. Moral Letters, 78.17 Physical training (aka "self inflicted pain") opens the door to emotional training--but who cares? Those who consistently seek to better themselves feel some kind of pain and look perhaps quite unglamorous while training, but who cares? We bring pain on ourselves. But who cares? Why complain? What good comes from complaining? There's no relief in complaining.  What changes when we complain? We can whine, cry, yell, scream, holler, break things, be cruel or short with someone--but what changes? We get make ourselves a mess, get hoarse, give ourselves (or someone else) a headache, have to clean up a mess, fix or replace whatever got broke, feel horrible for what we've done, humble ourselves, make apologies . . . beyond that, not much else changes.  Silence is not easy but in silence one not only finds ...

"But if you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means. Indeed, I would have you discuss everything with a friend; but first of all discuss the man himself. When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment. Those persons indeed put last first and confound their duties, who . . . judge a man after they have made him their friend, instead of making him their friend after they have judged him. Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself. . . .   (Seneca, Letter 3 "On True and False Friendship") When reading this instruction on true and false friendship, one remembers the time when three friends came alongside a man who had lost ...

"For love of bustle is not industry – it is only the restlessness of a hunted mind."  (Seneca, Letter 3) I'll be the first to admit that it's difficult to relax. I often feel like I need to be doing something all the time--but what does all that busy-ness reveal? It only shows I am "driven" not "driving." Ponder that for a second. Seneca's simple instruction makes me realize how much stress I create for myself by keeping busy. What do I accomplish by wearing myself out? Even bread after all that kneading need to rest in order to grow, to produce. Even God rested after creation and we are far from anything divine. When one inventories all that is on the mind, two categories become clear: what am I able to control (responsible for) and what I am NOT able to control. Once this distinction is made then half of what haunts the mind dissipates. One realizes that the other half does not have the urgency it seems, so that can be released as wel...

Hi. I'm James and I'm a Bibliophile. It's one thing to love books. It's another to love what's in them. So when someone says, "I love books," it might be good to ask "what do you mean?" They might not even know until you ask them. At a friends house not too long ago, I spied an ancient set of Robert Burns poetic works on a bookshelf. With permission I thumbed through the tomes, commenting on this or that poem, reading a couple out loud in my best Scottish brogue. My friend stared at me for a moment then said, "take 'em." Quickly pulling the set down and moving other books around so that his wife would not know they were gone, we snuck the books out to my car. He admitted the only reason they were on the shelf was for decoration. They knew nothing of Robert Burns or his poetry (gasp!). So I gladly took the books. Collecting books over the years, I must admit that only a few on my shelves are for decoration. But they are...

Nearly passed out laughing at this one!

"[G]ather and save your time, which till lately has been forced from you, or filched away, or has merely slipped from your hands. Make yourself believe the truth of my words, that certain moments are torn from us, that some are gently removed, and that others glide beyond our reach. The most disgraceful kind of loss, however, is that due to carelessness. Furthermore, if you will pay close heed to the problem, you will find that the largest portion of our life passes while we are doing ill, a goodly share while we are doing nothing, and the whole while we are doing that which is not to the purpose. What man can you show me who places any value on his time, who reckons the worth of each day, who understands that he is dying daily? For we are mistaken when we look forward to death; the major portion of death has already passed. Whatever years be behind us are in death’s hands. Therefore, Lucilius, do as you write me that you are doing: hold every hour in your grasp. Lay hold o...

"Consider thus: Your are an old man; no longer yourself be enslaved by this any longer (and) no longer be pulled by the strings like a puppet by every impulse, and stop complaining about your present fortune or dreading the future." (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 2.2) One of our Trustees here at the University is the CEO of Krispy Kreme Donuts. Do you know what that means? Well, if you were on campus the other day, you most likely would have been standing in line for your Hot and Fresh prior to Chapel. I mean that's the rule, right? When donuts are present, you MUST eat them. Right? I didn't.  Don't get me wrong, but just because they are hot and melty and have the tendency to just melt on the tip of your tongue does not mean that one MUST have one just because it's there. Of course someone might say, "do you do the same with chocolate chip cookie dough?" We're not talking about cookie dough. We're talking about donuts. We're talk...

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on: it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance — unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”  —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.18.5b There is a right way and a wrong way to be angry. The wrong way is to be driven, controlled by the passion. Some guys think that throwing a fit or a fist is the only way to assert manhood. Well, they're wrong. They may be strong on the outside but they are weak on the inside. Anger can be a mistake, which is why the old saying goes, "never make a decision while angry." A decision made in anger might be irreversible.  Should one never be angry about anything ever? No. There's a time for everything, including anger. Just don't be so quick...