I’m an Action Figure!
Enchiridion 16: Stop Distressing Yourself
"When you see anyone weeping in grief because his son has gone abroad, or is dead, or because he has suffered in his affairs, be careful that the appearance may not misdirect you. Instead, distinguish within your own mind, and be prepared to say, 'It's not the accident that distresses this person, because it doesn't distress another person; it is the judgment which he makes about it.' As far as words go, however, don't reduce yourself to his level, and certainly do not moan with him. Do not moan inwardly either." (Epictetus, Enchiridion 16)
Think of this as a case study: someone you know is in some kind of distress. What do you do? What should you say? Stoic philosophy provides a lens through which one may view and choose as it is not external matters that negatively affect you, but the judgment about those matters.
So what steps do we take when facing an external event? What is the source of harm or negative effect on you?
First (in this case) recognize that your grieving friend is external, out of your control. What he or she experiences is the product of their own judgement. At this point, all you are doing is reconnaissance, observing without passing judgment of your own. Your friend is grieving--that's it. " . . . be prepared to say, 'It's not the accident that distresses this person, because it doesn't distress another person; it is the judgment which he makes about it.'"
Second, (in this case) what does remain in your control is the judgment you are now free to make. Must you make one? No. But you've observed is that grief is not universal but a unique and personal experience. So should it concern you? Only if you let it.
Third, are you able to see how your judgment will culminate? In other words, what do you get out of participating with your friend? Well, if there is grief, you break your tranquility and give your control over to someone else. Do you want to sympathize or are you able to maintain your tranquility and your friendship with empathy?
Don't moan as your friend because your friend is leaning on you for support. Instead, contribute to your friend by understanding that he or she might be feeling a certain way. Maintain your composure, the only thing you are able to control.
Think of this as a case study: someone you know is in some kind of distress. What do you do? What should you say? Stoic philosophy provides a lens through which one may view and choose as it is not external matters that negatively affect you, but the judgment about those matters.
So what steps do we take when facing an external event? What is the source of harm or negative effect on you?
Second, (in this case) what does remain in your control is the judgment you are now free to make. Must you make one? No. But you've observed is that grief is not universal but a unique and personal experience. So should it concern you? Only if you let it.
Third, are you able to see how your judgment will culminate? In other words, what do you get out of participating with your friend? Well, if there is grief, you break your tranquility and give your control over to someone else. Do you want to sympathize or are you able to maintain your tranquility and your friendship with empathy?
Don't moan as your friend because your friend is leaning on you for support. Instead, contribute to your friend by understanding that he or she might be feeling a certain way. Maintain your composure, the only thing you are able to control.
Popular posts from this blog
I’ll Be Gnome For Christmas
The Island-Fish
“O ye passengers, whom may God preserve! come up quickly in to the ship, hasten to embark, and leave your merchandise, and flee with your lives, and save yourselves from destruction; for this apparent island, upon which ye are, is not really an island, but it is a great fish that hath become stationary in the midst of the sea, and the sand hath accumulated upon it, so that it hath become like an island, and trees have grown upon it since times of old; and when ye lighted the fire upon it, the fish felt the heat, and put itself in motion, and now it will descend with you into the sea, and ye will all be drowned: then seek for yourselves escape before destruction, and leave the merchandise.—The passengers, therefore, hearing the words of the master of the ship, hastened to go up into the vessel, leaving the merchandise, and their other goods, and their copper cooking-pots, and their fire-pots; and some reached the ship, and others reached it not. The island had moved, and descended...
“And so, about this tomb of mine . . . “
“VANITY, saith the preacher, vanity! Draw round my bed: is Anselm keeping back? Nephews—sons mine … ah God, I know not! Well— She, men would have to be your mother once, Old Gandolf envied me, so fair she was! What’s done is done, and she is dead beside, Dead long ago, and I am Bishop since, And as she died so must we die ourselves, And thence ye may perceive the world’s a dream. Life, how and what is it? As here I lie In this state-chamber, dying by degrees, Hours and long hours in the dead night, I ask “Do I live, am I dead?” Peace, peace seems all. Saint Praxed’s ever was the church for peace; And so, about this tomb of mine. I fought With tooth and nail to save my niche, ye know: —Old Gandolf cozened me, despite my care; Shrewd was that snatch from out the corner South He graced his carrion with, God curse the same! Yet still my niche is not so cramped...