Grief

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Sometimes the news comes quick. Sometimes the news comes slow. No matter how or when it comes, grief travels in the wake of the news. Grief is heavy, weighty, a burden, especially when it involves someone deeply loved. Grief is not meant to be carried alone. It’s too heavy and may last a while—and that’s ok. That’s what family and friends are for, to share the load. Jesus stood outside the tomb of his friend and wept but He did not weep alone. It was a deep, human moment. “ Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted ” (Matt 5:4). If anyone knows how we feel in grief, it’s Him. But His grief did not linger long, as at the mention of his name, Lazarus came forth. We are not meant to dwell in grief, but should leave room enough for it. Let it run its course. Like the song says, “ Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain .” Another song says, “ The storm We will dance as it breaks The storm It will give as it takes And all of our pain is washed away Don't cry or be afraid Some things...

Enchiridion 16: Stop Distressing Yourself

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"When you see anyone weeping in grief because his son has gone abroad, or is dead, or because he has suffered in his affairs, be careful that the appearance may not misdirect you. Instead, distinguish within your own mind, and be prepared to say, 'It's not the accident that distresses this person, because it doesn't distress another person; it is the judgment which he makes about it.' As far as words go, however, don't reduce yourself to his level, and certainly do not moan with him. Do not moan inwardly either." (Epictetus, Enchiridion 16)



Think of this as a case study: someone you know is in some kind of distress. What do you do? What should you say? Stoic philosophy provides a lens through which one may view and choose as it is not external matters that negatively affect you, but the judgment about those matters.

So what steps do we take when facing an external event? What is the source of harm or negative effect on you?

First (in this case) recognize that your grieving friend is external, out of your control. What he or she experiences is the product of their own judgement. At this point, all you are doing is reconnaissance, observing without passing judgment of your own. Your friend is grieving--that's it. " . . . be prepared to say, 'It's not the accident that distresses this person, because it doesn't distress another person; it is the judgment which he makes about it.'"

Second, (in this case) what does remain in your control is the judgment you are now free to make. Must you make one? No. But you've observed is that grief is not universal but a unique and personal experience. So should it concern you? Only if you let it.

Third, are you able to see how your judgment will culminate? In other words, what do you get out of participating with your friend? Well, if there is grief, you break your tranquility and give your control over to someone else. Do you want to sympathize or are you able to maintain your tranquility and your friendship with empathy?

Don't moan as your friend because your friend is leaning on you for support. Instead, contribute to your friend by understanding that he or she might be feeling a certain way. Maintain your composure, the only thing you are able to control.

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