Enchiridion 2: Desire, Aversion and Disappointment

"Remember that following desire promises the attainment of that of which you are desirous; and aversion promises the avoiding that to which you are averse. However, he who fails to obtain the object of his desire is disappointed, and he who incurs the object of his aversion wretched. If, then, you confine your aversion to those objects only which are contrary to the natural use of your faculties, which you have in your own control, you will never incur anything to which you are averse. But if you are averse to sickness, or death, or poverty, you will be wretched. Remove aversion, then, from all things that are not in our control, and transfer it to things contrary to the nature of what is in our control. But, for the present, totally suppress desire: for, if you desire any of the things which are not in your own control, you must necessarily be disappointed; and of those which are, and which it would be laudable to desire, nothing is yet in your possession. Use only the appropriate actions of pursuit and avoidance; and even these lightly, and with gentleness and reservation." (Epictetus, Enchiridion 2)

The first premise is that some things are within our power (control) and somethings are not. Desire and aversion are managed by how we use our control, our power to choose and respond.

PROMISES: 

Both desire and aversion make promises of attainment that, at times, will end in disappointment. Desire promises that we can get what we want while aversion promises deliverance from what we don't want. Anything is possible, right? Not in the real world. Reality shows that one is more likely to fail in chasing dreams, "and he who incurs the object of his aversion wretched." This does not mean that one should not pursue any desire at all, ever; instead, be real, reasonable about what you desire.

PROCESSES:

Make certain that how you think about a thing is your own thought. One reason I don't watch news is that every story, especially the weather, is loaded with rhetoric that tries to hijack my thoughts. We are surrounded by outside voices telling us how to think or feel. Listen carefully to the weather report--it's never good and it's never bad unless it's very bad, and then it becomes a disaster. We cannot avoid much less control the weather, so desiring good days and getting bad ones is subjective. We might desire a sunny day but the farmer desires rain. Why be averse to something we cannot control? Shouldn't we instead be averse to things that are in our control? Further, why desire something outside our control and instead desire things that are within our power?

"But if you are averse to sickness, or death, or poverty, you will be wretched." We are without power, control, when it comes to these things. Yes, they are not ideal circumstances and they will come, but when we try to stand against them, we will be sorely disappointed.

PRINCIPLES:

But, for the present, totally suppress desire: for, if you desire any of the things which are not in your own control, you must necessarily be disappointed; and of those which are, and which it would be laudable to desire, nothing is yet in your possession. Use only the appropriate actions of pursuit and avoidance; and even these lightly, and with gentleness and reservation."

1. Suppress desire until you can discern what is within and outside your power or control. Desire wrongly and "you must necessarily be disappointed." Avoid wrongly and "you will be wretched."

2. Pursue or avoid respectively with discernment, for disappointment is avoidable when we connect the control we do have with discernment. Pursue (desire) what is yours to have and avoid what is avoidable. And if you don't get what might be possible on either side, let it go.

Take life as it comes.