"Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things. Death, for instance, is not terrible, else it would have appeared so to Socrates. But the terror consists in our notion of death that it is terrible. When therefore we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles. An uninstructed person will lay the fault of his own bad condition upon others. Someone just starting instruction will lay the fault on himself. Some who is perfectly instructed will place blame neither on others nor on himself." (Epictetus, Enchiridion 5)
In my opinion, this is one of the most powerful paragraphs in Stoic literature for here we are called to personal responsibility. Epictetus uses thoughts on the subject of death as an example, examining the opinion that death is terrible--but is this always the case? We can't seem to make up our minds about death, as we breathe a sigh of relief at the passing of a loved after a long battle with illness or feeling vindication at the demise of an enemy.
"Why, then, 'tis none to you, for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison. Well, then it isn't one to you, since nothing is really good or bad in itself—it's all what a person thinks about it. And to me, Denmark is a prison." (Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
We are not consistent with our opinion, which supports the fact that if we are disturbed about anything, we disturb ourselves! I despise asparagus but others seem to roll in it. The only account for difference is opinion, taste. Our opinion is our own. If we are held back, disturbed or grieve, we can't say "you did this to me." No, we do it to ourselves. We allow the feeling to overcome us. There's nothing wrong with emotion. We must use it, but we must use it correctly, responsibly.
Death is a tough subject, but it's reality and it happens in countless ways all around us. Our survival depends on the death of something else. We could not live without it. So we terrorize ourselves with selective notions that seem comfortable to us, when actually we are not doing ourselves a service at all.
